"I have responsibilities." "People depend on me." "I can't be selfish."

This is the noble excuse. And it's the most dangerous of all because it sounds virtuous.

You're not making excuses. You're being a good parent. A good spouse. A responsible adult.

Except here's what you're actually doing: You're using the people you love as a shield to protect yourself from commitment.

I did this for five years. "I have a family. I can't take risks. People depend on me."

Know what my wife actually wanted?

She wanted me to commit to something. She wanted to see me try. She wanted the version of me that went after something instead of playing it safe while pretending it was for her benefit.

When she told me to move out, it wasn't because I took too many risks.

It was because I took zero risks. While hiding behind her and our son as my excuse.

Here's the truth: Your family doesn't need you to play it safe. They need you to become the best version of yourself.

Your kids don't need a father who sacrificed his dreams to stay comfortable. They need a father who showed them what it looks like to go after something.

Everyone has responsibilities. Every successful person had them too. Jeff Bezos quit a high-paying job while his wife was pregnant. Sara Blakely maxed out credit cards while working full-time.

The question isn't whether you have responsibilities. The question is whether you're honoring them or hiding behind them.

There's a difference.

Done negotiating.

-Joel