"I'm trying."

Two words that sound like effort but mean surrender.

When a man says "I'm trying," what he's really saying is:

"I want credit for the intention without being held accountable for the result."

Think about it.

"I'm trying to get in shape." — But you're not in the gym consistently.

"I'm trying to build my business." — But you haven't shipped anything in weeks.

"I'm trying to be a better husband." — But you had the same fight last Tuesday that you had three months ago.

"I'm trying to grow my faith." — But your Bible has dust on it.

"Trying" is the word men use when they want the identity of someone who's working without actually doing the work.

Here's the difference between trying and deciding:

Trying leaves the door open for failure.

Deciding closes it.

"I'm trying to wake up at 5 AM" means some days you will and some days you won't, and both are acceptable.

"I wake up at 5 AM" means you wake up at 5 AM. Period. Even when you don't feel like it. Even when you went to bed late. Even when it's hard.

Trying is negotiable. Deciding is not.

And lukewarm lives are built on a thousand negotiations.

"I'm trying" is dangerous because it feels like action.

You get the emotional satisfaction of effort without the actual effort.

You feel like you're in the fight. Like you're doing something.

But results don't care about your feelings. Results care about your actions.

And "trying" produces almost nothing. Because trying, by definition, includes the option to stop.

Let me show you how this played out in my life.

I "tried" to be a better husband for five years.

Five years of "trying."

Know what trying looked like? Occasional effort. A good week here. A good conversation there. Enough to feel like I was making progress.

But I wasn't making progress. I was making gestures.

My wife could see it. She didn't need grand efforts. She needed consistency. She needed a man who had decided—not one who was trying.

The day I stopped trying and started deciding was the day my marriage actually started to change.

Not because I suddenly became perfect. Because I removed the option to quit.

Here's what deciding looks like vs. trying:

Trying: "I'm going to try to read my Bible every day."
Deciding: "I read my Bible before I do anything else. Non-negotiable."

Trying: "I'm going to try to work out more."
Deciding: "I train at 6 AM, four days a week. It's on the calendar. It happens."

Trying: "I'm going to try to spend less time on my phone."
Deciding: "Phone is off the nightstand, screen time limit is set, first hour is mine."

Feel the difference?

Trying is soft. Deciding is structural.

Trying is a wish. Deciding is a system.

Stop trying.

Decide.

Pick one area of your life where you've been "trying" and convert it to a decision.

Make it specific. Make it non-negotiable. Remove the option to fail quietly.

Because "I'm trying" is the verbal white flag of a man who's already decided not to.

And you're better than that.

Done negotiating.

-Joel